And how does it apply to life and relationships...
~
Scientists have been looking for a “theory of everything” for a long time. One overarching construct that all science and the universe fit into, one principle by which all things function. But in fact there is one. Perhaps they just haven’t recognized it yet. The truth is…
Sexuality is the secret of the universe hidden in plain sight.
We could call this the “binary principle.” Most people are aware that things like earphone jacks and mechanical connectors take the form of male and female, but few have considered that virtually all processes of any kind in all the universe function on the principle of union of male and female elements.
Once you notice this phenomenon, you may discover how this concept repeated nearly everywhere you look. Nuts and bolts, lock and key, electric outlets and mortar and pestle. Almost every part of an automobile’s structure and function is based on the very principle, from the pistons in the engine to the axles in the tires and even refueling the tank.
Computers are the same, from the function of keys in their sockets to the rotating hinges and input of devices and chords. The written computer code made of 1’s and 0’s also bears a likeness to anatomical male and female. Electric circuits that power them function based on positive (male) and negative (female) charges.
Virtually all elements of the human body’s structure and function are based on this principle as well. Joints in their sockets, the contraction of the heart within the pericardium, the contraction of muscle filaments, blood coursing through vessels, glands excreting hormones and even skin covering the body, just to name a few.
Nearly every action we take throughout the day is based on the principle as well. Putting on your shirt sleeve, taking a bite of food, brushing your teeth, holding an object in your hand or taking a breath of air.
On the microscopic level, the structure and function of cells reflect the binary principle. Asexual reproduction even visually resembles binary sexual union when, in mitosis, the two cells are connected by a vascular mid-body comprising a bundle of tubules surrounded by a membrane. One cell retains it and one does not.
Many things that may not at first appear to function on the binary principle do upon closer inspection. Flat square tiles on a wall each sit in a hollow space around them. Book covers holding a block of pages within them. Waveforms with peaks and troughs assimilate the likeness of male and female counterparts. A bat hitting a baseball, a circular clock face with hands are examples of how the principle takes slightly different forms at times.
Quantum mechanics function this way as well. Elements bond electromagnetically through attraction between positively and negatively charged particles. Most types of quantum particles have antiparticle counterparts, such as electrons and positrons, quarks and antiquarks, for example.
Protons and neutrons, which make up the nuclei of atoms, seem to act as the male and female elements in how they are structurally similar, with key differences. The presence of the neutrons is required to stabilize the protons, in combination with nuclear forces much stronger than electromagnetic forces. Thus, the positive electromagnetic charge of protons remains free for employment in retaining the tiny electrons.
The dark veil of space seems to represent the feminine element, while particles or matter passing through the void represent the masculine element. A star or planet approximates a masculine element within that feminine fabric. Black holes resemble the same concept, having a masculine gravitational core within a feminine structure.
It may be said with certainty that mechanical, electrical, chemical, atomic and biological processes often function upon the principle of union between male and female elements.
But in all these examples, sexuality isn’t the purpose but rather the offspring that arises from the union. Thus, the examples don’t show that sexuality is indiscriminate in the universe. It is highly purposeful and functional. With the higher complexity of human life, one purpose is emotional bonding, like how nuts and bolts hold structures together.
The knowledge of the binary principle can provide insight into relationship matters of all kinds and help with navigating any interpersonal difficulties that may arise. Not only relationship matters, but all different life problems as well. Anytime something isn’t working well, it’s a good idea to check the binary elements involved and attempt to bring them into balance.
This is closely related to the concept of moderation, or the Goldilocks principle. Goldilocks was the most comfortable using the items of the offspring, which combine elements from both parents: the bed that was both soft and firm, the porridge that was warm but not too hot.
This shows how the tolerable and healthful range for all kinds of things is usually somewhere between two extremes for all forms of life. The two opposing elements act as sentinels to guard the domain of their combined influence. Although opposites, they work together. Incomplete without each other, the influence of either could be toxic if not tempered by its opposing element.
If you’ve ever had your blood drawn and taken a look at your lab values printout, you may have noticed how each element of the blood must be within a certain range in to maintain health and life. When the value imbalances in either direction, it risks bringing disease and/or death.
Likewise, most situations need a moderate approach. Giving a speech is more effective if you present things with both strength and gentleness. When disagreeing with someone, you can often deescalate the situation by presenting your viewpoints assertively while avoiding aggression that may spark resistance. Though effective personalities may differ slightly, effectiveness usually falls within a certain range.
Thinking of Goldilocks as a child in the literal sense is perhaps the most useful application of this concept, since one of the most important uses for the binary principle is with parenting. We could think of her as any race or color, since the principle is universal. With justice being a quality more typical of masculinity, and mercy being a quality more typical of femininity, note that a combination of the two is the most effective method of parenting. Not only parenting but also politics and dealing with people or animals in nearly all situations. Any solution that doesn’t employ both mercy and justice in balance will eventually prove ineffective.
Over-emphasizing justice may cause rebellion by causing frustration and making people doubt your sincerity or love. Not feeling you care about them leads people to disregard authority. But over-emphasizing mercy often results in unruly behavior that visually resembles rebellion. Most parenting mistakes seem to involve a chronic imbalance towards either mercy or justice, as well as unpredictable swings back and forth between the extremes of mercy and justice.
Maladjustment of these two elements gives rise to every kind of imbalance within the human psyche as well. This is often the issue when people have trouble knowing their boundaries or become bound up in dysfunctional relationships where one partner is passive and the other domineering.
These imbalances may often underlie feelings of personal dissatisfaction in relationships. Even the one who is winning the power struggle creates discomfort and dissatisfaction that may fuel unhappy expressions. Sometimes, such imbalances may originate from simple misunderstandings, such as when one partner is perceived as being too gentle.
This can be seen with people who are resolute, studious or quiet among those who like to express themselves loudly. One individual’s intelligence and patience can be mistaken for “docility,” especially by those who have domineering tendencies. After things become imbalanced, it can sometimes be difficult to know how to bring things back into the healthy range again.
If you want to bring the “spark” back into a relationship, just as with electricity, both the male element of justice and the female element of mercy must be optimally functioning. This involves maintaining a healthy balance and setting boundaries, avoiding being too docile or too dominant. This allows plenty of individual breathing space without causing emotional distance. Unfortunately, for many, regaining emotional balance can take a lifetime of trying, and not everyone is interested in trying at all.
But for those who are, adjustments in this area in how we relate to others can be life-changing. You could think of it as dialing up or down on different attitudes, like the panels of an instrument. Human life is as fine an instrument as any airplane, and likewise, we need to learn how to fly this bird. And even though we are all different in build, make and color, and we may fly at different altitudes and in all different directions, there are universal principles involved with optimal function. Avoiding a nosedive or tailspin is also all about keeping both wings out to catch the wind and stay balanced between extremes.
A major avenue through which mercy and justice is communicated is the voice. In most cases it’s not what you say so much as how you say it that communicates your attitude, and in turn establishes the healthfulness or dysfunction of the relationship. The voice needs to have elements of both strength and gentleness in order to communicate effectively to the listening ear.
Life is a constant learning process. It can be easier said than done to learn a better way, but having an ideal to strive towards provides us with a sense of direction. But God is sympathetic with the human struggle to find balance and effectiveness, as well as with the troubles of those who aren’t sure where to fit in sometimes. For more on this, see also my topic, “Is God loving?”
~
This article is composed of excerpts from my upcoming book, The Bird’s, the Bees, and the Universe: A Theory of Everything, described on the link. For similar life insights, my first book of the same series, Nautical Allegories of Scripture, is currently available on Amazon in paperback and eBook formats.